Measuring the Pathways in IITB: A satirical take on roads across institute

Credits: Aaditya Vichare, Aditya Sonule, Trijal Bhagat, Srinath Sridhar

Mentor : Arth

The most needed TSC (open for all)

Course Name: RRR101: Roadside Rant Runners (1 credit)

Description:  Mandated to combat commuting crises, this module equips students for the kinetic warfare of daily travel. Lectures span Pothole Physics (calculating ejection velocities), Pedestrian Pack Dynamics (oblivious herds), and IMD-sponsored Monsoon Meteorology. Practical tutorials include ‘Raincoat Aerodynamics’, ‘Umbrella-Flipping’, and ‘H15 River Swamp Navigation’.

Venue: Convocation Hall hill. 

TAs: A trio with strong calves and legendary 80.01% attendance, ready to teach participants how to navigate, and bypass, the system!

The art of surviving LHC: Large Hazardous Craters 

Researchers at the Civil Department have documented a recurring phenomenon in the campus commute. Students cycling to class routinely perform high-risk evasive manoeuvres, such as dodging the uneven patches near hostels, swerving around potholes by the Main Building, and ultimately colliding with the notorious crater on the road to LHC. Experts suggest that this final jolt serves as a reminder of a widespread infrastructural issue of topographical anomalies.

There’s also the proxy peddlers. This is the species that deliberately leaves late, inspired by a heroic glimpse at their Lewis Hamilton wallpapers, attempting a sub-three-minute sprint from H16 to LHC – just to swindle attendances on the SAFE app.

The Cyclist’s Lament

Even the “elite” no-hands cyclists are distressed by the relentless uphills near H16. Their bikes are constantly crippled, forcing bi-weekly pilgrimages to the H3 cycle bhaiya – who likely knows everyone’s GPay PINs by heart. While they realise their “brand new” cycles are actually second-hand, frustrated single-speeders are “dropping” ascents like bad electives. 

The walkers, having observed this kinetic humiliation and updating their ETA, now proudly declare ‘hamstring preservation’ and ‘dignity retention’ as sufficient grounds to abstain from cycling entirely.

Brake-ing Hearts

The true speed stoppers aren’t potholes, but pedestrians. Armed with active noise-cancelling, walkers move in glorious, four-wide packs, completely immune to bells. Yet, can you blame them? With “pathways” being mere cracked slivers, the road is their only option.

This forces cyclists to crawl behind them, slower than campus Wi-Fi during finals, draining all momentum and dignity. Meanwhile, walkers endure the “heart-stopping ambush” of shrieking brakes and heavy breathing right at their heels. It’s less a commute, more a mutual struggle.

Saga of the Soggy Cyclist

The hellish rains arrive with freshers intoxicated by “aye aye tea bambai” supremacy. Cycle paths mutate into war-crime-level quagmires, with the infamous H15 river becoming a dreaded landmark. Cyclists face a grim trilemma: getting soaked, wearing a malodorous raincoat, or improvising.

As one student recounts, “I saw this one daredevil. In a moment of high-speed, misguided genius, he decided to deploy an umbrella with one hand while riding on the slippery, moss-covered concrete. Physics, however, had other plans. He met the pavement, broke his arm, and was forced to walk to class for two months like a commoner.”

The Auto-cracy

As campus roads swell into monsoon rivers, the Desai Sethi School of Entrepreneurship immediately spots a market pivot: “Forget roads, we have river lanes for jet skis now.” The only lingering question is whether the sharks will actually float in this tank.

Meanwhile, the student loses – left with a bike resembling geological debris and an empty wallet. The auto-rickshaw emerges as the sole victor. That “one-time” cycle investment becomes a ticket to the losing team, leaving cycles as symbols of regret on OLX: “Urgent Sale! The owner prefers rickshaws.

END