The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Land of Perceived Geeks

Are you a wildlife lover and techie like me? Discover a rare intersection of untamed biodiversity and state-of-the-art engineered systems, found exclusively at IITB hostels. The landscape in itself is quite an engineering marvel, with the floor offering just the right amount of friction, achieved through extremely simple and cost-effective means: dust grains and hair fibres. 

These hostels are home to creatures known as ‘IITians’, who are characterised by their oversized brains and perpetually swollen eyes. They peacefully coexist with lizards, spiders, rats, and snakes. (However, these creatures feel insecure about monkeys, who are ranked higher in the evolutionary hierarchy.) IITians meet their nutritional needs through the simple technique of leaving food in containers, which gives them high fungal yields, full of protein! These creatures tackle loneliness by piling random items on the bed’s edge, which simulates the warmth of a partner. Their brain size is indeed justified. 

Moving to the second technological wonder: the lift. I pressed the button which said ‘3’ and found myself on the 5th floor! Magique!!! Although someone else told me that this could have been an after-effect of the mess food, which is served in lustrous utensils pre-coated with dishwashing liquid, to disinfect one’s digestive tract. The upthrust on the vegetables just equals their weight, and you can see them floating on the thick viscous liquid, which is a delicate melange of oil and water—an excellent demonstration of Archimedes’ Principle!

“I finally found the bug!” exclaimed a CSE student, having found a poor insect drenched in the tomato gravy– which inarguably had a Rotten Tomatoes rating of 200%. Meanwhile, one could witness the grand sight of the Hunger Games– the IITian valiantly fighting with the mess staff for that one extra ice cream scoop. 

As you explore this fascinating hostel ecosystem, you will witness many such spectacular sights. Every corner holds a new adventure, whether it’s the culinary marvels of the mess, the technological wonders of the lift, or the delicate balance of coexistence between IITians and their wild companions. It will be an incredible safari, even for Android users!  

BONUS: ADDITIONAL TRIVIA 

• The a-DAC has officially suspended all monkeys after an IITian lodged a complaint against them for stealing her homemade laddus, which were meant exclusively for her hostel ants.
• Though the mess food is consumed in significantly larger quantities as compared to hostel-grown fungi, it accounts for merely 12% of the total nutritional intake of IITians.
• The mess is known worldwide for its specialities: “garam-garam ice-cream” and “thandi-thandi chapatis”.
• The mess is known to derive revenue by outsourcing its cottage cheese as a viable substitute for rubber in the industrial market.
• The mess is a key player in the Global Oil Crisis, surpassing the US in oil consumption.

*a-DAC: Animal Disciplinary Action Committee