In what can only be termed as shocking news, it has recently come to our notice that the famed General Body Meeting in which the entire impeachment drama purportedly took place, never actually happened!
Sources tell us that on the day the GBM was supposed to have taken place, an MI vs Techfest cricket match was actually happening in the OAT. “What GBM?” was the response of Mr. Kumar Kislay of the old Mood Indigo Team. “No such thing was happening that day. I remember clearly, because I got hit for six sixes in an over. That is not something you forget easily.” He added ruefully. The match, sponsored by E-Cell, was a charity event, held to raise money for underprivileged children in Nigeria.
We tried to contact Harsh Jhaveri, the outgoing GS Cult and the star of the fictional GBM for comment, but all he had to say was, “That is just your opinion. I can’t do anything about it. I don’t think you understand the way things work in the institute.”
We finally got a clear answer when we talked to Nikunj Jha, ex-chief editor of Insight. Our findings were mind-blowing to say the very least. Given below is the transcript from a conversation our reporter had with Nikunj.
Reporter: Nikunj, there have been reports saying that the GBM never happened. You wrote an entire article on it. What is the truth?
Nikunj: Of course it didn’t happen. I thought any smart person could have figured that out. Such things don’t happen in our institute.
R.: So why was the event reported in Insight?
N.: We were actually doing a social experiment. We wanted to see how people would react if we told them something like this had happened. I am very proud to say that our experiment succeeded brilliantly.
R.: But what was this social experiment?
N.: Er… Umm…
R.: There was no social experiment, was there? What was the real reason behind the article?
N.: (breaking down and sobbing) I just wanted to write an opinionated article. Most of the articles in Insight are so boring. No one ever reads them. And one can’t really have opinionated articles about charity cricket matches. So, I got together with my 6 reporters and we decided to have some fun at the insti’s expense.
R.: Is that it? Are you sure that is all?
N.: (breaking down further) You got me. It was actually all just a publicity stunt. My valfi was coming up, and I was afraid that someone else’s valfi would turn out to be more awesome than mine. So I had to do something big, something that would gain me instant popularity.
R.: So nothing, I repeat NOTHING related to Harsh Jhaveri happened that day?
N.: There’s no smoke without a fire. Harsh Jhaveri did get impeached but from the post of umpire of the charity match. But that is a story for another day. ■
All names in the above article have been changed to protect the identity of the concerned people. Any resemblance to any person dead, living, impeached or unimpeached is purely incidental. For more juicy gossip, contact Mukund Madhav at firstname.lastname@example.org